I AM - Healer

My analysis of my self brought me to the realization that we are all complex individuals. There are several parts of me that can almost form separate personalities. They do not conflict with each other, but blend and compliment each other.  In different social circumstances I am forced to hide some from particular groups and have become so well skilled that only those who are intimate with me know all of them..... and their names.......and the blogs that keep each side....well sane and present in my complexed personality.

Today though I will deal with the Healer in me.

I come from a long line of Healers. My grandmother...the traditional nurse. Not sure if the hospital knew she was a great herbalist, of the type that had a wild looking backyard. To the outsider, it looked neglected. But too me, each plant she allowed in her space had a medicinal benefit. It was simple...any complaint you had led to a "bush" being picked. Or sometimes she would simply point out one and tell "you pick it, wash it, chew it".

My mother is a Healer.... of the Catholic Church variety. Whatever my feelings about the Path she follows I must admit that people who come to them seem to be eased in their troubles. I sometimes forget that individuals can have different "healing" needs, and are drawn to the type that gives them most comfort. If you believe in the miracles of creation, then healing can be found in anything, because Everything contains Love and Light....so to each his/her method.

For several years I carried a deep seated guilt about my relationships. I seem to attract, or be attracted to persons with a deep soul wound. I seem to move through my life from one relationship to another, with barely a break in between. I have been chastised by family members for this,to the point that they made me feel like a whore (although I could never resolve how having one relationship at a time for several years made me a whore) until a conversation last year with one made me realize something.

Each of them entered my life at a low, confusing point in theirs, and left with a clearer picture of what their purpose and goals were, and were well on their way to personal happiness. Talk about typical Libra personality.....leading people to balance.

I am no longer saddled with guilt about them. I did what I thought was necessary.
Now I can accept that I am a healer....of a different sort maybe.

Now though...its time to heal myself, and I look forward to the process. I can say I have a clear picture of what I want, and the direction I need to have for my happiness. I have tasted those things, however briefly and know where I want to be.
And that is one of the biggest steps to a journey....deciding where you want to go.

Blessed Be.

Work with Hestia

I have been working with Hestia lately as mentioned in a previous blog post. I usually have a goal in mind when I select a goddess, and in this case I wanted to marry both home-making skills and hospitality. I work in bar, and needed to sharpen my ability to keep customers happy. Hestia was the perfect choice, as invoking her would focus my mind on those two goals.

 So its been about four months now with her energies top of mind, and I always mention the results. I finally got a new home, which I am making comfortable for my family. At work I have become meticulous about making things look pleasant and comfortable for patrons of the bar. There is more to be done, but I was certainly driven to do it.

Hestia's energy though; is beholden to no man. 

Here is where I find a conflict. Beholden...in the sense of obligated to no man, yet, cares for all. This is an area where I am watching closely for any elements similar to those energies.

Shall I open the door?

Before me lies a door full of magick and wonder. Just looking on the outside thrills my soul, as if my dharma is to cross its threshold.
That door is so beautiful on the outside, that it pulls my attention and draws me nearer. I can feel when it calls, and as I stand before it, it seems to sense me- and it opens a tiny bit, inviting me in.
We seem to be in sync, me and that door.

My dilemma, being experienced in these sort of "Threshold Crossing Spells" the ones of the Change Your Life variety- is that I know the pain of change. And having gone through a major change I wish to rest emotionally for a while, and just sail through the stuff of life while my heart heals.

My dilemma, is to resist the urge to actually do a "Problem Solving Spell" to assist in making up my mind one way or the other. I have always pushed for and immediate decision, and have never just gone with the flow. I know the effort needed in pushing, but I know not the patience of waiting.

My wish, is to close the door, and hope that I could continue to admire the door from afar, see all the things around it and the door itself become more and more beautiful. See growth around it, see flowers bloom at its step. And then......when I am free to enter and ready to embrace the entirety behind that door, I will step in with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, knowing I am ready for that journey.
Blessed Be.

Can we adopt multiple personalities?

by Ashleigh Burns-Thompson

Do we adopt multiple personalities over the course of a life time?

I am asking this because I find that I no longer connect with the "personality" that wrote this blog.
I read the posts sometimes and feel separate and apart from this person.
Is this person me? Or....did I adopt this persona, as a coping mechanism?
Perhaps now that I no longer need the coping mechanism. I no longer identify with the persona?

Now don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed learning, exploring and creating magick. It added a spark to my life. Yet, I am no longer interested. Been there done that sort of thing. I even feel like clearing out the books, donating them or giving them away....and adopting a new passion to explore.

The guilt being that I invested so much time and money in them. Would I want to turn to them again? Would I wish to feel the weight of a Magick novel, reference book in my hand? Do I keep them for my daughter?

Is this a phase we all go through? Or is it one that I go through???

Are we really a spirit just putting on a body suit and moving through life?

Do we just have masks to switch around when needed?

Freedom of Spirit

As I trundle along on my broomstick ride I sometimes get into a conversation that seems to interest many many people. 

There is the argument that forming a governing body for this movement labelled Witchcraft, Wicca, New Age practices will give us more political clout among the wider public and allow us to demand rights and equal treatment and respect among our peers.

I can agree that it would. But at what price? It seems to me that the human condition will eventually lead this movement; if organized, into something that is exactly the opposite of what makes it so attractive to people now.

People who are discovering whatever you want to label this movement......feel a sense of spiritual freedom. No one is hanging a book over their heads and telling them" This is what you must believe!"
The journey is very personal, and- as I always maintained- moves along the individual's path in the direction suited for the individual's spiritual development.

Forming an organizing body, will send a dictate, however formal or informal to persons practicing. The dictate may directly or in directly streamline the practice into a one-size-fits all faith. This is exactly what we are trying to remove ourselves from in the other religions.

For the best exploration of this debate, and the advantages and disadvantages of formal training, eclectic training; refer to "The Study of Witchcraft" by Deborah Lipp.

Lets leave this practice as fluid as we discovered it. I believe it is best for our Spiritual Evolution.

Three Tim Burton Movies for 2012

Dark Shadows 2012 Trailer

Tim Burton expands his horizons with a twist on the Dark Shadows Series....its a comedy!!!!
Johnny Depp and Tim Burton always always get me excited.....and two of them in one movie.......(shudders with pleasure).

This year I shall be in blisssssss....as the creative ones are delivering a mighty fine three course meal.....check out the other two Tim Burton Movies below.!

Another Tim Burton mind stretcher:
Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter- Tim Burton Movie.

Just from the trailer I can see that this is Burton's attempt to expand his comfort zone, creatively speaking. I am sure I will enjoy this. I shall sit and eagerly look for signs of his trade mark elements.

Frankenweenie Trailer

Check out this cartoon that Disney (who really is branching out into new and creative projects) has backed. Tim Burton's Frankenweenie has remnants of his early style.

Compare it to one of his first attempts at animation :Tim Burton's Vincent


I think I will be in Heaven this year!

Earth, out of Air

Why can't I make Earth

 Out of Air?

Is it 'cus the fire and

water which is needed

isn't there?

Am I all Air,

Full of fear with no

Ether to compare?

Perhaps I need grails,

Or Stones,

Or gold

with my air......

Where is the formula?

Where is it clear

For one to make Earth,

Earth

Out of Air?

So damned frustrated with the AIR side of me taking over the other elements....aaaaack!

Stranger

Do you really know who I am?
You read my blog, you post on my page.
But do you know me?

Do you know the hurt I feel daily?
Are you there to carry my burdens.
Are you a friend, or was I choosen because of a cool name?
Are you hoping that being acquainted with me validates your place in the world?

Are you there when my pain is great?
Do you know I am homeless?
Do you know, that each day I live with the possibility of not eating tomorrow?
Do you know that each day I live with the pain of not seeing tomorrow,
Of losing my kids,
Of losing my mind?

Do you really know?............................

Ahh....music! Loreena McKennitt

SPIRAL SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT

Our spiritual development is indeed like a Spiral Dance. (Kudos to Starhawk)

An anonymous reader reminded me of something the other day which stopped me in my mental tracks and forced me to start looking inward again. The clutter and confusion I feel may indeed be my mental clutter.

I attempted to do a mental clearing on Sunday gone and realized that there was more work to be done than I thought.  I am surrounded by Toxic thinkers, and cannot remove myself from them for a while. However, I need to offload the junk that I have been carrying and re-focus on my goals and MY moving ahead.

The above drawing shows a type of mental trap that you can get yourself into. The center being your  predominant thoughts and beliefs; your journey moves outward in that spiral motion, continuously re-assessing the same issues associated with the Central Thoughts. Eventually, at some point, you may realize that your Central thoughts are controlling your life, and actually trapping you in a cycle. 

You must shift your  focus elsewhere.

 This changes the vibrational quality of your mind, your Center begins a different vibration. You move from a re-hashing of those issues and begin to focus on something else.

Now this is where is gets tricky. Anxiety, stress and worry about issues related to these Central Thoughts cause us to go  back and forth in that spiral moving outward and inward, but still trying to process that same isues. 

Its a trap we can get into.

Does it ever change? Clearly, when we realize that fear of the thing is more damaging than the thing itself.

How do I know that I am at this stage? Because I no longer feel a connection to the Divine. I have not felt that the activities that I do during the day truly are taking me to a stronger better me. I seem to be expected to fulfill others needs constantly and put "me" tasks on the back burner. This has me feeling stuck in a whirlwind with no end insight until I am physically able to remove myself from these toxic people who constantly scream"Me me me...look at me, help me!!!!" and make no effort to help themselves.


My work on clearing my mind continues....but I feel like the crap comes back because I keep having to rest my head there.

Pastor Thinks I am Evil......

I think the number one new career in this country is to become a pastor. Not a priest mind you, a "cast out your Demons" pastor. Maybe its the money?
So Son of Pastor gets me in the corridor at work and starts questioning the validity of my faith.

" Who do you pray to?"
" The Gods"
"Do they answer you?"
"Yes"
"Is your life in turmoil since you stopped going to church?"

"Actually, its been a lot better since I stopped going to Church and started searching for Spirituality in myself."

Son of Pastor winces at this one. "Have you given yourself to God?"

"Given.......I never removed myself...what's there to give?"

You know, the whole problem of this "Wicca is evil " thing is that people just need to be educated about it and stop worrying about the lies and misinformation that others tell them. You would never think that the priest / pastor would lie. 

But they do, from our point of view of course. Reality is relative, and not because a spiritual person of another faith tells you something is evil it means he is correct. He, like everyone else has been misinformed. 

Google the damn thing and get other opinions. 

There are always three sides to a story, the trick is to find the third side.

Blessed Be

Born I was with Saturn's Sight

And I too young to know this plight

Did wander round in restless night

His walls which kept me in.

I'd push until I could push no more

Rebelious and stifled

at Saturn's door

my mind will be trapped my emotions sore

My inner self just screaming

And Saturn taunted me

He teased me

Every where I turn to escape

Like some dreaded warden

he'd show me the bars which stopped

and blocked and limited my flight.

I'd befriended the aura of Venus fair

And so Saturn hated her there

He'd block and bar my lady fair

from showing me more minds

In my limited darkness I'd be in pain

bewildered and hopeless

and almost insane

the boundaries around me I pushed in vain.

And Venus would try to save me.

She'd send me gifts

and Saturn would block them.

Relationships and wealth were not to be mine.

He showed me their limits all of the time.

But Venus, being of quick mind

whispered a plan to me

We'd do a spell to push Saturn back

Enlist the help of Jupiter of expansive energies.

Hestia

Hestia is a little known goddess of Greek Mythology. She happens to be my focus now. Daily invoking her energies, I hope to be able to fast forward the process of finding us a home.

Hestia is the behind the scenes person. She is balance and stability. She is the patron goddess of the home fires and the hearth, the one who keeps things comfortable for the family. She is the wise woman, the quiet knowledgeble support for all who reside under her roof. The perfect goddess for the home maker.
I hope, that focusing on Hestia, I will prepare to recieve our new home in the time that we need it. Really, this experience has made me realize how important it is to my kids to have their own space.

I created this little chant to use in my ritual:

For calm by day and rest by night
A home I seek from thee.
I ask oh Hestia
Lead us to a place of 
Sanctuary.
A home of our own
And peace of mind
for happy family
And it harm none, so mote it be.


My next task will be to paint my own version of Hestia, which I will keep to hang over the entrance to my apartment when I get it. Lets see how this goes before I post it in the Godopeadia.