Back to the Beginnings

The Elders at Witchschool did caution that the learning curve would actually be a spiral. After a feverish frenzy of reading and getting lost in conflicting views, I have come back to the beginning. Am I a witch? If not...then what am I? What exactly do I believe. Here begins the discriminatory process of identifying those thigs that work, and chucking those things that I do not identify with.

One thing I agree with is the Quantum element. The theory that whatever you believe will be confirmed by the Universe....so...what do you want to believe?

I begin a new journey with study on the morning ritual. I am in the process of creating my own morning ritual, encorporating the elements, and specific sounds and movements to greet the day. My ritual should speak of gratitude, harmony with the Universe and acceptance that it knows what is the best direction for me to take....

I begin again.

Lonely

As usual...

Alchemy

One path leads to another...... and I am on the Alchemy Avenue. T'is a strange road, this Alchemy Avenue. Squares are placed within circles and Suns and Moons get married, and its all in search of the stone that is not a stone...The Philosopher's Stone.

But it is so intriguing, so comforting..... so connected from past to present. So honest in its crack pots and depressed followers, and in its ties to the most exciting art ever seen by man kind.

As I read more about it, I see the Matrix, Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Crucible, and all the other favourite "otherworldly" themes which perpetuate the world's greates films, books and arts......

To be aware....to be that aware to the point that the energies come to you before they settle on the Earth.

You are the first Air...... and then the dissilution comes, and the Negrado is whitened...........

I am in heaven........

Chemical Weddings

So intrigued I was by the marriage of Sol and Luna, that I think I wish to persue this Path further. I love the dabblings of salt and sulphur, and know what the mercurial element means, the one from the philosopher. Can I be content with such rich symbology, or will my mind be distracted by a new path laid in front of me. I am attracted to symbols and metaphors and anything from which ideas open doors.

Perhaps in time I shall look back and see that this was beneficial to my journey.

....in flux

I have the information. I know the information. I can even break apart and recreate the information.
I have been asked to teach. Why, then does my mind hover on the cusp, like a razorblade edge of indecision? Why does it excite me, but doesn’t. Why do I want to turn away, close all the accounts, snap all the connections I have; and walk from this thing called Wicca.

I know.
I have felt the limitations of the thing. I have felt that if I, and this is only limited to me; if I begin to practice the formal form of Wicca, I shall be mind-trapped by its methodology and Dogma.
Indeed, it has a dogma.
While its elders are arguing that it is a personal faith, with a dash of creativity, there are those who misunderstood its charm, and are intent on placing rules and regulations on form and ritual. This would just defeat the purpose.

Then there is the side of me that wants to keep my options open, and wants to be free to be spiritually creative. Adhering to Wicca, practicing the Craft intently, will create a new paradigm in my mind which will limit my thoughts.
I do not want to limit my thoughts.
Magickal practice too, has its limits. It is limited by my imagination. And since I am currently undergoing a painter’s block, it’s not a very good feeling.
I feel like I am on a boat, rocking with the waves. I have to options, pick a direction one way or the other and steer toward that course, or just lie back, look at the view and relax with the rocking.

Who knows, maybe I may drift somewhere exciting.

Fear

Fear, however unwarrented is a horrible and crippling thing. Fear of a thing can hold you back from experiencing life to the fullest. Fear of a comment, of ridicule, of following a crowd, of getting involved........ all acted on..lead to fear of being alone.

Why do I always feel alone? How is it possible that I who live with a house full of people, can feel so isolated from the world and everything. How is it that I, who used to be the center of attention, the belle of the ball, can end up with no support network, no close friends, nothing but online socializing.

I know the answer...just being rhetorical.

I do not act on my desires. And thats the only answer. I desire a thing, then find the shame in desiring. I find reasons to be guilty for a simple need to be with other people. I have depended totally on my husband and children for companionship, that now as they are growing older, and getting involved with other things in life, I am left isolated, with no one to relate to.

I seek interaction outside, but find the choices lacking. I get little pleasure from interacting with women, whose focus is only clothes, and children. I see more worth in interactions with men...they seem less competitive, less eager to criticize, and their topics, when they are intelligent span a range of issues, with a dash of humour thrown in.

My online friends are the best conversation I have had in ages.... but I need the connection to be more than that. A voice, a face, a need to sit in different auras that are exciting.

Sigh.....some planetary spellwork is probably needed, or maybe my heart and throat chakras need cleaning out completely.........

The heaviness in my heart is painful. I wish to be releived of it. I wish to be saved.

Focus on hold

Legend has is among the charismatics that just when you are about too turn in the right direction, ole Satan throws a wrench in your pipeworks.
Or, as the Witches say....when the seeker needs one, the teacher would come.
But are you teacher, or distraction?
How do you know when a thing is in your best interest, especially when it feels so good.
Especially when it gives you encouragement to raise beyond your self and push your own boundries. And especially when the world seemslike your Genie is waiting to hear your wishes, and snap everyone of them into being.?
Whatever the purpose, there is no doubt in my mind that Fates are smilining on this chance encounter. That my mind was enriched by such a happening.
Every once in a while, you need to broaden your focus to see where to zoom in on next.........
broadening may be a good thing for now.

Love Bytes

The pictures says it all. I shall have to experiment in Astral travelling to go any further.

The last three days were mind changing. I felt more alive than I have felt in ages.

I feel a new direction coming on, one that is full of possibilty. One that has All Potential surrounding it.

I will never be the same.

..and I am glad.

My Magick is better than yours!

Right….so Young Lady White Magician keeps sending messages to my Facebook persona with the tenacity of a little child who has a secret to tell.
“I practice Magick” She confides.
“Oh”, I retort….”
“White Magick, not black Magick”, she responds.

Little does she know that this is dead giveaway number one that she has not been practising for long. Magick, being a tool, cannot be good or bad. It just is. Your use of it is the “good / bad” issue. Like using a knife to cut the food to feed your family, or using same knife to kill a person.

“I am in a lodge” she confides again.

Dead giveaway number two. Lodge members are not supposed to divulge that they are lodge members. Only newly recruited neophytes with egos all out of wack will let loose such information.

At this point I feign surprise that there are still lodges here. But then my ego gets the better of me as her whole conversational direction screams that somehow she things she is better than others in the group.

So like the mischevious devil that I am, I respond “Perhaps then, you could give me more information on the “Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram?”

The silence that is there for a while is punctuated by the blipping cursor on the chat screen.

“Heavy stuff there.” She answers. “Don’t you have any books to read about it?”

“Been there done that.” I respond…. “ Really though, have they began any classes on the local plant associations?”

“Oh, we don’t do that.” She replies “ Our magick is much higher than that.”

Dead giveaway number three. Lodges teach magick slowly, grade run from 0=0 then proceed slowly to 1=9, 2=8, and continue. No one has ever reached the end. At some point the instruction switches from the psychopomp rituals that the neophytes experience, to real magick which involves learning associations from Crowley’s Liber 777, and combining it which Enochian Magick, which I was never partial too. This she obviously did not know.
There was more to the conversation, but lets leave it here.

I logged off and left it at that. One of the things they warn you about when you begin Magick is exactly what Young Lady White Witch is experiencing. The Ego Trip. The “I am better than you because I practice Magick and you don’t know what you are doing” behaviour.

Ms. YLWW better check her swelling ego, or she will never go from Neophyte to Zelator level, at least not if the Lodge Master are even worth their 5=5 grades.

Blessed Be Guys, Blessed Be.

Crafting a BOS

These Books of Shadows are absolutely beautiful. I would rather love one for myself. I was checking around the craft stores the other day for little trinkets that would fit into a Book of Shadows for me. I loved the Green and Blue metallic Leatherette at Samaroo's, and began to envision an embossed metallic Dragon on my cover. Haven't bought it yet.

It got me thinking? How come our Carnival crafts have not trickled down into our everyday creativity. I mean, enough with the bikini and beads, but can we flourish

our homes, everyday things with the same creativity that you find at Carnival.

Why do we box in everything? ... Carnival should be this! Homes should be this! People should behave like this! Worship like this!
Maybe one night I shall drag my Altar and Candles into the little park in our neighbourhood, light a witchy bonfire and shock the be-bumbums out of the neighbours........
Who will probably call the police.... or leave a little note on my gate about worshipping eveil spirits. I know for sure that all the Jehovah Witnesses will find themselves at my door!
He he he..... definately will put the pentacle on the front door now..... "Come get me my pretties!"

Information Needed

What we need in this country is reliable Religious information source. This would squelch all the stoopid rumours about Pagan Faiths, and the dumb things people send around about Wicca. A Wiccapedia is a great idea...... how do we start one?

The World Tarot Card

Mental blocks

I am too psychicly open, if there is such a thing. I practically bounce off the metal limitations people put on the world here. Yeaterday, a gentleman came into the office where I work, a sort of chiropactor/ new age massage therapist. You should have seen the crowd around him...like to guy was giving out money. Anyways people came away from him after having their back "cracked" swearing it was the best thing ever. One woman wondered how to keep it feeling this way. I suggested Yoga. Immediately the walls sprang up " Nah..I hear dat does bring spirits into yuh body." I wanted to comment,"That's a Catholic conspiracy." but I kept my mouth shut. Yes it brings spirits. Spirits of Peace, Spirits of alignment etc.......... good spirits.... spirits that will keep your energies flowing.

Of course the conversation ended there. There is no use arguing with people, since any spiritaul investigation on their part will lead them to "Spirits"

I wonder what will happen if I told them that you can catch a "spirit" just by shaking someones hand, or standing too close to someone. Everyone must have felt the power of Laughter...of sadness. There are more subtle ones which people don't realize like hope, encouragement, suggestion etc......they are just as catching.

I, though will rather face and feel than hide in fear............after all, I am Master of my Soul.