I AM - Healer

My analysis of my self brought me to the realization that we are all complex individuals. There are several parts of me that can almost form separate personalities. They do not conflict with each other, but blend and compliment each other.  In different social circumstances I am forced to hide some from particular groups and have become so well skilled that only those who are intimate with me know all of them..... and their names.......and the blogs that keep each side....well sane and present in my complexed personality.

Today though I will deal with the Healer in me.

I come from a long line of Healers. My grandmother...the traditional nurse. Not sure if the hospital knew she was a great herbalist, of the type that had a wild looking backyard. To the outsider, it looked neglected. But too me, each plant she allowed in her space had a medicinal benefit. It was simple...any complaint you had led to a "bush" being picked. Or sometimes she would simply point out one and tell "you pick it, wash it, chew it".

My mother is a Healer.... of the Catholic Church variety. Whatever my feelings about the Path she follows I must admit that people who come to them seem to be eased in their troubles. I sometimes forget that individuals can have different "healing" needs, and are drawn to the type that gives them most comfort. If you believe in the miracles of creation, then healing can be found in anything, because Everything contains Love and Light....so to each his/her method.

For several years I carried a deep seated guilt about my relationships. I seem to attract, or be attracted to persons with a deep soul wound. I seem to move through my life from one relationship to another, with barely a break in between. I have been chastised by family members for this,to the point that they made me feel like a whore (although I could never resolve how having one relationship at a time for several years made me a whore) until a conversation last year with one made me realize something.

Each of them entered my life at a low, confusing point in theirs, and left with a clearer picture of what their purpose and goals were, and were well on their way to personal happiness. Talk about typical Libra personality.....leading people to balance.

I am no longer saddled with guilt about them. I did what I thought was necessary.
Now I can accept that I am a healer....of a different sort maybe.

Now though...its time to heal myself, and I look forward to the process. I can say I have a clear picture of what I want, and the direction I need to have for my happiness. I have tasted those things, however briefly and know where I want to be.
And that is one of the biggest steps to a journey....deciding where you want to go.

Blessed Be.

Work with Hestia

I have been working with Hestia lately as mentioned in a previous blog post. I usually have a goal in mind when I select a goddess, and in this case I wanted to marry both home-making skills and hospitality. I work in bar, and needed to sharpen my ability to keep customers happy. Hestia was the perfect choice, as invoking her would focus my mind on those two goals.

 So its been about four months now with her energies top of mind, and I always mention the results. I finally got a new home, which I am making comfortable for my family. At work I have become meticulous about making things look pleasant and comfortable for patrons of the bar. There is more to be done, but I was certainly driven to do it.

Hestia's energy though; is beholden to no man. 

Here is where I find a conflict. Beholden...in the sense of obligated to no man, yet, cares for all. This is an area where I am watching closely for any elements similar to those energies.

Shall I open the door?

Before me lies a door full of magick and wonder. Just looking on the outside thrills my soul, as if my dharma is to cross its threshold.
That door is so beautiful on the outside, that it pulls my attention and draws me nearer. I can feel when it calls, and as I stand before it, it seems to sense me- and it opens a tiny bit, inviting me in.
We seem to be in sync, me and that door.

My dilemma, being experienced in these sort of "Threshold Crossing Spells" the ones of the Change Your Life variety- is that I know the pain of change. And having gone through a major change I wish to rest emotionally for a while, and just sail through the stuff of life while my heart heals.

My dilemma, is to resist the urge to actually do a "Problem Solving Spell" to assist in making up my mind one way or the other. I have always pushed for and immediate decision, and have never just gone with the flow. I know the effort needed in pushing, but I know not the patience of waiting.

My wish, is to close the door, and hope that I could continue to admire the door from afar, see all the things around it and the door itself become more and more beautiful. See growth around it, see flowers bloom at its step. And then......when I am free to enter and ready to embrace the entirety behind that door, I will step in with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, knowing I am ready for that journey.
Blessed Be.