Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Coming out from my last post it got me thinking whay so many of my "ideas" remain just ideas and are never manifest. Especially when it comes to career. Thats because I know I lack the passion for it. When it comes to the Fire stage, I fizzle. Creating the idea for me is what I am passionate about, but most of them lack the kind of touchstone which would stoke the fire in me.
Even in my current job I feel the claws of boredom setting in, and not one project has given me excitiment as yet that I feel the urge to wake in the morning and get to work. I know I have to do something soon, because very soon the boredom will be like a crippling vise grip on my mind, and that cycle would begin again.
What am I passionate about? Art, magick, anything which forces me to create by hand. I wish I could learn woodworking, I wish I could learn a skill like plastic molding etc which can take a design from the paper onto a practical usable aspect. Even learning welding to learn to make my own things........
I need to sit with myself and have a stern talk. I am a creative soul, and I am happiest when I am formulating a painting, an image, a design for something I would love to have, or even writing a story, essay or blog. My mind feels like I am in touch with the Higher Creative and I feel enlivened by some power which courses through me. Can't explain the feeling further, but it is where I feel elated.
Having to do the job I do during the day, pulls me out of that zone. There is no connection to something greater when I do it, rather a feeling of floundering in a muddy pool.
This current contract must be the last of its kind that I take. I have three years to build an alternate career out of what I love. I must sit down and think this through.