Friday, April 30, 2010
Wait a minute! I've been here before!
Talk about being trapped in a cycle. I am creating a book which pulls together essays from my blogs and journals, and had to browse through them to pull out the appropriate material. Most of my journals have mundane stuff and griping. Its how I relieve stress sometimes. But what was glaringly obvious is that, even after 5 years, the issues which I had then are the same issue I have now.
I haven't grown? I haven't moved forward? Such a revelation gave me another headache instantly! As if I hadn't already been battling headaches enough!Themes which came forward are:
1) Didn't like managing and working for people
2) I wish for enough money (in the millions) so that I could pursue my dream
3) The blissful state I feel when doing my biggest love and wishing I could do it full time
You know, I could kick myself. I haven't done anything in five years to say that I have moved on from those issues or grown. I saw where I kept going around and around in circles. Leaving the job, trying to start a business, not having enough money, having to go back to work, hating the job, leaving the job, trying to start a business, not having enough..... you get the point.
I know that I have to work for myself. I know that I can. What I have to plan is the products which I can create using these images that I paint. I also need to find some way to cut down my expenses to make it more feasible. Hmmm.... I must break this nightmarish cycle. Its starting to feel like a really bad dream.