Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Danger of Astrology

It all started with me reading a text somewhere about my astrological configurations for 2008-2009. I read that this period will be the time of casting away, and letting go of all things that were not real, or really good for me. Jobs, places, relationships. That got me spooked. How real is my current relationship? We had been together eight years, we had a reasonably happy family life. But something inside me, and inside him knew that something was hollow. I felt it, he felt it, but niether of us were facing up to it.
Instead of letting events take place naturally, I badgered and bagered and nagged him to reveal what his feelings were for me. Must have caught him in a bad time. He exploded.....sort of..... accused me of pushing him over the edge and trying to force him to feel what he didn't feel.
The arguement died, we even made up...sort of.
Again I pushed....this time it was decided that if neither of us were truly happy in the relationship, maybe we would be better off apart. He says that for the last five years he hasn't loved me, and has stayed for the sake of the children. That hurt. Here was a man, who I cannot have any fault with his ability to provide for us, admitting that he was not happy with me. It was agreed that he would move at the end of the month.

Things sort of calmed down for a few days. We even made passionate love, before it began I asked him if he was using me, or I was forcing him....but he said no, he wanted to make love. All that day he was sweet, we made love twice........ I thought we were back on track.... I had hoped.

But then I pushed again....and it broke this time......flaring up in an arguement which hurt so musch, I had to push him out the door. The faster he left, the faster we'd get on with our lives.

Would this have happened if the thought was not injected into my mind? I don't know. But I still think there is danger in knowing too much.

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